


we knew we had to leave this town

by bethgally11



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Apologies, Boston Bruins, Cancer, Childhood Memories, Confessions, F/M, Finland (Country), Foreshadowing, Friendship, Future Character Death, Letters, Montreal Canadiens, Post-Break Up, Secret Children, St. Louis Blues, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, Terminal Illnesses, Unplanned Pregnancy, sorry 2019 bruins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28446600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethgally11/pseuds/bethgally11
Summary: Tuukka Rask finds something in his mailbox.
Relationships: Tuukka Rask/Original Female Character(s), past Tuukka Rask/OFC
Kudos: 5





	we knew we had to leave this town

**Author's Note:**

> Written in letter format
> 
> I didn’t tag this major character death because my OC doesn’t die in the story, but she mentions her terminal cancer, so...future death warning
> 
> Title from September by Daughtry
> 
> If you googled your name and found this, turn back...you know the drill

_Return To Ms. Anja Heikkenen_

_Pohjoisesplanadi 40_

_Savonlinna, Southern Savonia, Finland_ _56440_

_  
Mr. Tuukka Rask_

_c/o Boston Bruins_

_TD Garden_

_100 Legends Way_

_Boston, MA 02114_

Dear Tuukka,

I feel like I should’ve written this letter years ago. I should’ve offered you a truthful explanation of why I left instead of making you think about it for almost twelve years. The truth is technically what I told you that night—that something had happened in my family that would most likely ruin your NHL career—but there’s a lot more to it than that.

I’ll start at the beginning. I remember the very day we met, Tuukka. I remember walking into my brand-new middle school in my brand-new home of Savonlinna. It was so nerve wracking—I didn’t know anybody, and I felt so alone. That ended quickly, though, thanks to you. You walked up to me, introduced yourself, and asked me if I wanted to go to the library.

That was when it all started. The day we met was your twelfth birthday, and you always used to say that I was your favorite present that year. From my point of view, it was pretty obvious that you had a crush on me, but I didn’t say anything. I just watched as your eyes lit up every time you walked into homeroom and saw me at my desk. I watched as you chose to sit and chat with me at recess instead of playing with the other kids, even if they were playing hockey.

You asked me out on a date in June of 1999, on the very last day of sixth grade. We rode our bikes through the park near my house, then went to see a new movie at the theater.

We had our first date and our first kiss on June 15, 1999. We were just kids back then, very inexperienced with love and new to romance, but I didn’t feel like what we had was just some silly middle-school relationship that was only there so I could brag about having a boyfriend. I still don’t, honestly. I’m not necessarily in love with you anymore, but I still feel some sort of a connection. You were special to me back then, and you still are now.

I’ll stop ranting now, for time’s sake. Tuukka, we dated for a little over six years. Our relationship lasted through the rest of middle school and all of high school, and not once did I think about breaking up with you. It was really nice to have someone else in the school who I could rely on, someone who I could talk to and share my secrets with. I just didn’t get that kind of feeling when I was with my parents or my little sister. You were my best friend and so much more.

I was into hockey before we met, but you really made me the diehard fan I am today. You looked so excited when you came back from your family’s trip to St. Louis in October 1999, and I sat with you and listened as you enthusiastically described your first ever experience at an NHL game. Your enjoyment of that game rekindled my interest in the sport of ice hockey, and I became more of a fan than I’d ever been. Unfortunately, the Habs are now out of the playoffs, so their loss to the Rangers in Game 6 was the last Habs game I saw, and it’s probably the last one I’ll ever see (I’ll get into why that is later). The Bruins are out as well, as I’m sure you know very well. The Blues, though...the Blues are still in it. They go up against the Nashville Predators in the second round. I hope they win that round...and maybe more?

It’s a shame that I might not live to see your favorite team win their very first Stanley Cup championship. That’s alright, though—I know they’ll win it soon, and I’ll be there cheering with you in spirit.

I better get to why I’m writing this letter now, because I’ve spent the past eight or so paragraphs ranting about our pasts. Listen, there’s two things I haven’t told you yet and that I probably should tell you now. They’re huge truths that are likely going to affect your future.

First, I have cancer, and it’s terminal. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. They tried to treat it here at the hospital, but it was too late—it had already spread to several organs and was slowly killing me. I’ve stopped treatment, and I’m just waiting for the end at this point. Don’t take this as me being upset, though! Of course I am sad that I’m no longer going to be here on this Earth soon, but I have accepted the fact and am spending my final months surrounded by the people that I love (my friends and family).

Since you were once my friend, it would be nice if you were here too. Maybe we could reconnect? If you want to do that, please respond and let me know when you’ll be here.

I also have another reason why I would like you to join me here in Finland. This is probably going to be one of the biggest surprises you’ll ever get in your life, but if I don’t tell you now, you’re probably going to find out from someone else and wonder why I didn’t tell you.   
  


Tuukka, when I left, I told you that something had happened “in my family” that would ruin your career, I lied. I mean, most of the statement was true, but the thing that happened “in my family” actually happened to me, and that thing was my unplanned pregnancy.

The little baby girl that I discovered I was carrying was your daughter, Tuukka. She still is, actually.

Her name is Sinikka, and she’s eleven years old. She was born on March 27, 2006, seventeen days after your nineteenth birthday. She’s a tall goalie just like her father—and speaking of her father, she looks just like you. The only feature of mine she inherited was her green eyes. I’ve enclosed a picture that should have been in this envelope along with my letter.

I know this is probably a huge bombshell—after all, it’s not just an everyday occurrence that you find out about your secret child on the other side of the world—but I didn’t know how else to reveal this news to you. They’re saying here at the hospital that I only have about two more months left to live as of today, so I just wanted to give you enough time to meet her and bond with her as possible before I’m gone and you two are on your own.

Tuukka, it would truly be the best thing someone’s done for me in my final days here on Earth if you came here and at least attempted to bond with your daughter. Although she is not aware that she is genetically related to you at all, she knows who you are, and she likes you. It’s hard to _not_ know about you when you’re the most internationally famous person from this town. Therefore, I think she’ll like you in person as well.

Look, I know you’re probably thinking I’m the worst person in the world right now because of me hiding your own child from you and prevented you from seeing most of her childhood because of my own fears. I understand why you likely feel that way, and I just want to say that you are absolutely entitled to those feelings. If you come here at all, I will understand it if you don’t want to talk to me. All I ask is that you talk to your daughter and bond with her so she isn’t left with no parents when I die. I already feel bad enough for raising her with only one.

Before I found out I had terminal cancer, I was going to wait to do this after you retired. I know it would be a ridiculously long time—Sinikka would probably be nearing her twenties by that point in time—but it would give me the freedom to talk to you without the Boston sports media being all over you as soon as they heard me mention that you and I have a daughter. I wasn’t planning on getting back together with you after all the years we’ve spent apart, but I was hoping that we could still stay friends and agree to help each other raise our daughter.

It’s probably a pretty far-fetched fantasy, given that I walked out on you when you needed me the most, but it still brought peace to me whenever I felt sad about abandoning you and raising my child without the father that I knew was alive and well thousands of miles away.

This letter is getting kind of long, and I might need a new page for its conclusion, so I’m going to try to wrap it up. Tuukka, I just want you to know again that I don’t blame you for anything that happened between us that caused us to break up. Of course you had a role in my pregnancy—that’s how human reproduction works. I don’t blame you for causing the breakup, though. That’s all on me. I just want to tell you again that I wasn’t trying to hurt you by ending our relationship. I know it probably did hurt you when I did it, but after seeing the Boston sports media treat you terribly for every little thing you do that doesn’t benefit the Boston Bruins, I couldn’t tell them about the big thing. I mean, remember that one season when you skipped the last game because you had the flu? They yelled at you for that! I couldn’t believe it! When I have the flu, I’m not even able to move. How did they expect you to play?

Anyway, I’m going to stop ranting now. Before I go, I just want you know that you don’t have to come over to Finland. I’m not forcing you. As for your daughter, she’ll be raised by my sister and her husband, my parents, or your parents (they know about her). I could also give her to your little brother Joonas and his wife, who can raise Sinikka alongside her new cousin Karoliina.   
  


It would really be nice, though, if you did come here to the hospital. I could share my thoughts and feelings about our break-up and everything that happened afterwards with you, and you would have a little bit of time to meet and bond with your daughter—our daughter.

I’ll wrap this up now. Goodbye, Tuukka. I hope I see you soon.

With Much Love,

_Anja K. Heikkenen_


End file.
